Follow me!

Want to know when something crazy happens in my house? Like me on FaceBook to get updates!

http://www.facebook.com/#!/DadsOfSpecialNeeds?fref=ts

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Travels and Tribulations

Del: You're in a pretty lousy mood, huh? Neal: To say the least. Del: You ever travel by bus before?
[Neal shakes his head]
Del: Hmm. Your mood's probably not going to improve much.
-       John Candy and Steve Martin
I have been asked by several people to give some suggestions and tips on how to travel. I am assuming they mean on how to travel with an autistic child. Because if they are asking me for what I would suggest for myself, I would say don’t do it. Ever. And if you have to, take along alcohol. Lots of it. I look at travel as some form of ritualistic torture, by sadistic people.  Don’t get me wrong, I love going on vacation, and taking my family even more so. The sights, sounds, new experiences, and especially seeing them through my children’s eyes for the first time. It’s the getting there part that drives me crazy. Airlines are rude, riding in taxis is like riding a psychotic carnival ride, buses…well if you have ridden on a bus recently, then you know that the quote above is appropriate.
Travelling presents its own set of challenges, and travelling with children, even more so. Now add to that a child that cannot deal with loud noises, being restrained, crowds, or overstimulation, and the scene becomes chaotic, at best.
So why ask me? Good question. I tend to consider of myself to be lucky when it comes to travelling with my kids, because their behavior is always amazing, but always hanging by a thread, ready to snap at any time. But having taken CJ on more than two dozen flights, several commuter train rides, a few boats, a couple of bus rides, and lots of road trips, I would like to think that I have gleaned some level of understanding and skills that may help other families prepare for the joys (and and mishaps) of travelling with a child of special needs.
First thing I will say is plan for the worst. Imagine what would happen if your flight was delayed a couple of hours on the runway, or the train breaks down in the middle of nowhere. Would you be ready? How would you act, and more importantly, how would it affect your child? Would you have the necessary supplies needed to keep your child calm and entertained? Those are the events that you need to plan for.
When Diane and I made our arrangements to go to China to get our daughter, my wife decided to purchase two L.L. Bean backpacks. Yes, go ahead and mock me. Next up, matching sweat suits and running shoes. Then it will be early bird dinners. Yeah, yeah. I am pretty sure that I made many of the same comments when she suggested it. But her reason for suggesting it was sound. Despite many offers from friends to watch CJ while we went to get Jackie, we agreed that as this was a family decision and addition, Christopher should be a part of it every step of the way. So the backpacks were purchased for us to haul all of the crap we would need for the journey. CJ was 2 ½ at the time, and before his diagnosis. During that time, we just thought him shy, not very affectionate, and behind on his language skills. At that age, he was displaying echolalia, although we didn’t know it. All we knew was that he was copying everything we said, and we thought it adorable.
Trip to Mexico - CJ on the far right, and Jackie next to him

So there we were, travelling halfway around the world with two new backpacks. Looking back, buying those was one of the smartest travelling decisions we have made. Those bags have gone on every trip we have taken since, and despite a few scuff marks and soda stains, those bags are as in as good of shape as the day we bought them. I guess the point is this; part of planning for the worst is having the right equipment.
Filling the backpack, that is another story. No matter the age of your children, whether they be infants, toddlers, or teenagers, packing the bag is essential. Food is always a must, but for the people that say “be sure to pack healthy food” I say screw you! You try to get your picky child to eat carrots and celery while sitting on the runway of the Miami airport, and you can feel the thread getting pulled tighter and tighter with each “I’m hungry” or “is there anything to eat?” being muttered. Pick foods that your child will eat as well as enjoy. The last thing you want is to be fighting to get a hungry child to eat. And it’s not like you are feeding them that food all day, every day.
Jackie and CJ at the fort in Puerto Rico

But there also needs to be additional distractions like books, tablets, music, and (very important for the people around you) headphones for your child, all shoved into the bag. Anything and everything that you may think will keep them interested and entertained for the time needed. And make sure that you pack their “favorite” thing, be it a stuffed animal, blanket, or toy. (Look for a later blog regarding that.)
Most importantly, if your child is able to understand, prepare them for what they are going to face. With CJ, we like to start a couple of weeks ahead of time, and explain where we are going and our method of travel. We start light, mentioning we are going to take a trip and how. Then as they days get closer we add more details, such as size of the vessel, and appropriate behavior when we travel. By the time the day arrives, he knows what to expect and how to act. Remember, you set the tone for their behavior. If you are afraid of flying, or sailing, or the guy on the bus talking to himself, your child picks up on that, and will most likely act similarly. (That last one may be ok to be afraid of. I mean, what the hell is he keeping in the duffel bag he has on his lap anyway?) One of the greatest experiences is when you have boarded first, and you watch the passengers’ faces as they get on, to find the one or two that suddenly realize that they are going to be sitting in front of your kids. They look like they were just given the death sentance. However, if you have done a really good job preparing the child, and set a good example, by the end of the flight, there is a good chance that the person/people sitting in front of you will compliment you on how well behaved your children are. It has happened to me before, even if we have had a breakdown at home right before leaving for the airport.
The three of us in the pool on the cruise ship

Another key factor to making a successful trip is understanding what your child wants, if possible. If your child wants to have a window seat, do everything you can to make that happen. Even at a young age, I knew that CJ liked having a window seat. When travelling from Beijing to Lanzhou, we found that China airlines runs their planes very much like a cattle call. Our seat assignment had CJ sitting alone in the back of the plane, even at 2 &1/2, by himself. What the hell? We were able to work out a few trades before the plane took off, so that at we could have two seats together, an isle and middle seat. However I was unable to finagle a window seat. Little did I know what a problem that would be, until we started to taxi down the runway. That is when the meltdown started, and didn’t stop, even after CJ threw up all over my shirt. But I have to say, I have never seen a man move faster than the Chinese businessman did once the fasten seatbelt signs were turned off. So we got the window seat after all. Of course, I got to smell like puke for the entire 4 hour flight. Lucky me.
Turks & Caicos...and yes, that is one of the backpacks

If your child has issues being restrained, I am sorry to say that I am going to be very little help there. There has been more than one occasion where I have almost come to blows with flight attendants because CJ wouldn’t wear his seatbelt. The best advice I can offer is to place it over their lap to make it look like it is on, or fasten it very loosely, so that the child doesn’t feel it. Or just do what my wife and I do, where one of us plays lookout, and when the stewardess walks by, make it look like you are putting on their seatbelt. Because if the thing goes down, I am sorry but that strap across your waist will be very little help. Unless you happen to land on the island of Lost.
I can’t promise success the first time out, or the twelfth. But autistic children crave routine, and if you practice it enough times, hopefully the experiences will get easier.
Well, that’s about all I have. I hope that there is at least one piece of information that you found helpful, and maybe even inspires you to attempt a trip.

No comments:

Post a Comment